Effects We Wish!

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Time Distortion: Makes guitar solos seem longer. Can also be achieved by ineptitude.
Paralytic Equalizer: Makes you as good as other guitarists by injecting them with nerve toxins.
Blame Shifter: Shifts mistakes down one octave so that the audience thinks it was the bass player.
Depander: Filters out popular cover songs.
Overjive: Makes Hootie songs sound like Parliament.
Active Pickups: Amplifies "signals" sent to attractive audience members.
Fluff Box: Filters out excessive musical substance.
Rehash: Stores and plays back your favorite riffs constantly and forever.
Feedback Eliminator: Drowns out "constructive criticism."
Band Pass Filter: Eliminates sexual advances between band members.
Depressor: Changes any chord to E minor.
Off Switch: Improves the sound of your amplifier.

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